Of butterfly clips and funky monkeys
by happy molecule
Summary: One day when Elrond is bored, he decides to get a job. As a model :D *complete*
1. Elrond is bored!

A/N: This is part of this "series" me and my friend, "A Class Superior" are co-writing together.  Basically we get a character from LOTR and out them in a wacky situation.  Oh, and Arwen pops up in every fic, for some reason.  Don't know why.  I personally hate her.  Anyways, in this one, Elrond, who is ever so cool, becomes a model for a butterfly clip company.  There are also ones about Aragorn, Legolas and Sam, and there's more on the way, so read them coz they're pretty kinky :D!

Disclaimer: I am Legolas so therefore I obviously own everyone.  

_All italic parts are written by my friend….._

Elrond sighed.  Now that he was in Valinor, away from the troubles of Middle Earth, he had absolutely nothing to do.  Sure, it _was very fun down there, with lots of slides and swings to play on, but he felt like that _was not enough.  He needed a purpose in life.  

"I'm bored!" he whined to his wife, Celebrian.  She looked _at him and frowned.  _

_"That's the only thing_ you ever say these days!"

"Well it's true!  I am bored!  Bored bored BORED!!!!!!!!"

"Well then, why don't you get a job or something?"

Elrond brightened up.

"That's a great idea!' He leapt up from his chair, kissed her, grabbed the newspaper and ran away.

                        *                      *                      *                      *

_Elrond sat on a park bench, browsing through his newspaper.  _What could he work as?  Plumber?  No, he hated getting dirty.  _A teacher?  No, the kids would all laugh at him because of his butterfly clips._

_Butterfly clips!  That was it!  Halfway down the page was the ad:_

_JOB VACANT_

_Model for the local_

_Butterfly clip company._

OMG!  That job would be perfect for him!  He could be his gorgeous and butterfly clip wearing self, and get paid for it!  He leapt up from the park bench and ran down the street in glee.

"YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!"

P.S. Does anyone know who the hell Legolas' mother is?  

All flames will be used to fuel the fire which will burn Legolas at the stake.  So send as many as possible, and SOON!  I think he's starting to realise that I haven't actually tied him to anything…………..


	2. The job interview

A/N: I love Matrix Reloaded.  It's so cool :D!  I love ex-Agent Smith; he ROCKS!

_A couple of days later, Elrond was sitting in the main foyer of the butterfly clip company, nervously awaiting his job interview._

A short, hairy man who looked vaguely familiar led him into an office.  He sat down and looked across at his would-be employer.  

"Arwen?!" He asked, shocked.  "You're my new employer?!  YOU??!!"

"Yes, me," she said smugly.  "Me, me, me."

_"Me too," said another voice._

_Elrond looked behind Arwen and saw Glorfindel there as well.  _

_"Hello, Elrond," he said.  "Welcome to the butterfly clip company."_

"OMG, you guys all work here?  Why didn't you tell me?!"

Arwen looked over his head and rolled her eyes at Glorfindel, who giggled.  

_"Well, to tell you the truth," said Arwen.  "We didn't really want you to come as a customer because you're so picky.  We didn't want _to give you discounts."

"That's so mean!" Elrond sobbed.  

"Yeah, well, what can you do?" Arwen shrugged.  Glorfindel handed her a file and walked away.  Arwen opened the file.

"So, Mr…." She looked down at the file.  "Half-elven, do you have any prior experience as a model?"

_"Well," Elrond really wanted this job, but how could he beat all these other competitors? "I………I wear them a lot, butterfly clips.  I think I will do well."_

"Yes, you do wear them a lot," Arwen sniggered.

_"Shh…." Elrond said warningly.  "My dear daughter, not in public!"_

_"But everyone can see you wear them anyway." She said, indicating the green and pink clips in Elrond's hair._

"Excuse me, but they're purple, you colour-blind elf!"

Arwen was flabbergasted.  "I'm not a colour blind elf, you – you smelly orc!"

"Marrier of humans!"

"Slut!"

Elrond was quite offended by this.  He jumped up and slapped her.

_"You–you-you horrible little girl, I'll-"_

_"I'm not little," replied Arwen, putting her hand on her cheek.  "I'm three thousand years old!"_

_"I have half a mind to disown you here and now!!" cried Elrond, ignoring her statement._

"Fine then!  Disown me!  See what I care!"

"Fine!  I will!" Elrond stormed out of the office.  Two seconds later he ran back and popped his head in the door.  

"Oh, by the way, did I get the job?"

Well, since the only other person who applied was Thranduil…." Arwen began.  "Hell yeah!"

Elrond ran in and kissed her.

"Thank you!"

Suddenly he remembered he was still pissed at her. "Well, I'm going to disown you now."

He walked out of the room.

"Have fun!" Arwen called after him.


	3. Elrond's first day at work!

_The next day, Elrond was so excited that he arrived at the factory shop before it even opened.  He sat down on the path in front of the door and waited, fidgeting with suspense._

_People walked by, looking at him like he was an animal in a zoo, but he was too excited to care. He waved at everyone and even called out "Hello!"_

They just stared back at him in "OMG, what a loser!" fashion and walked away.  But Elrond didn't care.  He was just so happy!

He started humming to himself.

"I'm so happy, coz today I've found my friends; they're in my head…"

Suddenly he felt even more happy!  He jumped up and began singing and dancing

            When he got to the end of the song, he sat down.  Suddenly he realised that a crowd had gathered.  They cheered.  Then walked away.  Just then he realised there was a pile of money in front of him.  What a great way to start the daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

_Arwen came along and took out a bunch of keys.  "You're here early," she said to Elrond.  Elrond nodded happily.  "Yep!  I'm all ready for my first day of work!"  He put his hands out and showed Arwen the coins.  "Look!  I've got lots of money already!"_

_Arwen shook her head as she walked through the door, muttering, "and he's my FATHER?!"_

_Elrond bounced into the foyer, literally jumping with excitement.  "Yay!  Yippee!"_

_Arwen said. "Elrond, stop that at once or you're fired."_

Elrond stopped immediately and looked guiltily at the floor.

"Sorry, Ma'am."

"That's more like it!" she said, as Elrond silently trudged along behind her.  She pulled out an even larger set of keys, opened the door and walked in.  Elrond followed.  He gasped,

_"Egad!" He cried.  The room was filled with……………._


	4. The photographer arrives

A/N: It was kinda obvious what was going to be on the walls, wasn't it?

_Butterfly clips!  Hanging on the walls, along the edges of the room, from the ceiling.  Against one wall was a huge bookshelf, with numerous levels, all covered with different coloured butterfly clips.  Elrond looked in awe.  It was paradise.  He couldn't wait to try them all on.  _Arwen saw the look of anticipation on his face and grabbed his arm.

"You are not to touch the butterfly clips," she warned.

Elrond's face fell onto the ground.  He stooped down and stuck it back on his face.

"Please?" He pleaded.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Elrond cowered. "Jeez, I was just asking……….."

_He sat there for a while, awaiting his instructions.  When they didn't come, he asked timidly, "So, what do I do now?"_

_"SHHHHHHHHH!" Arwen hissed.  "Quiet!"_

_Okay………. thought Elrond and he sat there some more, and waited._

_And waited._

_And waited._

_The _cat sat on the mat and looked at him.__

_"Shoo!" said Elrond._

_"Who're you talking to?" asked his former daughter._

"The cat!"

"What cat?"

"The cat that was sitting on the mat and looking at me!"

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooook………….."  She shook her head.  _"There wasn't any cat." _

_"But…" Elrond was quite confused. "So what ARE we going to do?" changing the subject._

_Arwen shrugged.  "Wait for the photographer; of course."  Just then, the door opened and in came _a monkey with a bunch of funky friends.

"What the hell?  The photographer's a MONKEY?!!!!!!"

The sentence "in came a monkey with a bunch of funky friends" is not mine.  It belongs to a REALLY cool song by the butthole surfers.  I'm serious; it's a real band! 


	5. Poor Elrond discovers its not so easy

_"Yep!" said Arwen. Leaping up to hug the monkey.  "He's our prize photographer, Mr Monkey."_

_"Argee boobok!" said the monkey, dancing around and knocking some clips off the shelves._

He picked some clips up off the floor and handed them to Elrond.  

"Rbkjyt!"

Elrond looked at him questioningly.

"He wants you to out those clips in your hair and stand against that wall; facing north-eastwards and playing to bassoon."

_Elrond was a little puzzled.  "Um.  Which clips?  And….  I don't have a bassoon."_

_"Shh…" said Arwen warningly.  "He might hear you."_

_Elrond thought that this was all very strange, but he obediently crammed as many butterfly clips into his hair and stood against the wall._

_"Jebkeble!" said the monkey._

_"The bassoon," Arwen translated._

_Elrond put his hands in front of him, as if he was playing the bassoon, all the while thinking how stupid it was._

The monkey began clicking away with the camera.  

"Kybibloogle!"

"He said "That's very good!""

_"Jpykat."_

_""Yes, that's right, one more!" "_

_After a while Elrond was starting to get bored._

"I'm bored!" he whined. 

_"Jamlaby!"_

_"He says he doesn't like your attitude."_

"Well I don't like the fact that I'm being bossed around by a monkey and my ex-daughter!"

"How dare you refer to me as your ex-daughter!"

"I'll call you whatever I damn want to!" He smirked. "Dwarf."

_Arwen, needless to say, was OUTRAGED! "You are the most-"_

_"Gumpy!"_

Arwen glared at the monkey.

"NO!"

"Gumpy!  Wqll!"

"There is no way in hell you are-"

"Gumpy.  Yvc.  Eyk!" he said through clenched teeth.  His face was _so close that she could see the fleas on his fur.  Arwen was a little intimidated._

"Ok, fine." She sighed and walked up to Elrond.  _"I have to stand next to you in the next shot."  Elrond's eyes widened in shock.  "You mean-but-you hate butterfly clips!"_

"I know!  But he's making me do it."

"Hehe you're being bossed around by a monkey!"

"So are you."

"Shut up."

Arwen put a clip in her hair.    
"Keman!'

She put some more in.

"Oogl sentalkebat."

_"But-"_

_"Gumpy!"_

_"Fine!  Be that way!"_

She put her arm around Elrond and forced herself to smile.  The monkey took some more shots.

"Lenti."

Arwen yanked the clips out of her hair and ran out of the room faster than he'd ever seen her move.  Faster than he'd seen anyone move as a matter of fact.

The monkey began to pack up.  Elrond looked questioningly at the monkey.  He monkey waved his hand.  Taking that as an affirmative answer, Elrond shoved as many butterfly clips into his hair, cloak, pants, everywhere as he possibly could.  He skipped lightly out of the room, singing, "I'm so happy, coz today I've got butterfly clips!"

            _Glorfindel looked at him strangely as he skipped past the main office._

_"Out so soon?"  He asked._

_"Elrond nodded happily. _

_"Yep!"_

He continued to skip out the door and all the way home.

"Weirdo!" Glorfindel muttered, and went back to his scrapbook of used bubble-gum pieces.  _The monkey came by and waved to him.  Glorfindel waved back.  _

_"Have a nice day!"_

…………Well, we have one chapter left.  What will happen in the next exciting instalment of Elrond's butterfly clip obsession???????

Ahem.  Anyways, the song's is a (slightly changed) version of Nirvana's "Lithium".


	6. The end!

Elrond's alarm switched on and immediately began playing the Baker's Delight theme song over and over.  And over and over and over.  And over and over and over and over and over and over and over and ov-

Until Celebrian smashed it with a hammer.

"Finally!' she muttered and went back to sleep.  Elrond sobbed.

"My alarm clock!"

Suddenly he realised why he'd set it.

"Celebrian wake up!  The catalogue's coming and I'm in it!"

_They rushed out the front door to the mailbox to collect the catalogue.  But suddenly, they realised they were in outer space._

_THE END……………………_


End file.
